She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
