Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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