Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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