My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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