My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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