Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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