i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
