ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
