true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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