i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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