i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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