Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
