I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm bleeding and have questions
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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