I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
