I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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