it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
