Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
