I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize