I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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