this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am spending my child support on dildos
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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