The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
