Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
