sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
