i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i would one night stand the shit outta him
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What a dumb baby whore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
