i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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