I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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