im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
