so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
