Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
