it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
