I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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