:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
