Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
