Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize