Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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