Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
