I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
