when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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