Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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