Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
