apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
