You really coming over, don't trick.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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