I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
