New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
