What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
