And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
