i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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