ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
