I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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