1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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