just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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