Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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