You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
