are you so shy because you have an std?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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