Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
