I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
