My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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