Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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