Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize