You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
