he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
