you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
