I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
