what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
