Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
