Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Panties = found
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
