Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
