I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
