i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
